You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
