do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
