I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
