dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
