Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
