that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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