how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
