yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
