I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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