GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My pussy is not your playground.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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