Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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