Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
