a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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