Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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