Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
