my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
