he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
