I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize