You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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