people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
