I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
