clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
