Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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