you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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