I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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