Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize