I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
