you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
