I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
