You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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