The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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