He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize