bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
