I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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