Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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