i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
