I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize