Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize