i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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