I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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