Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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