If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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