i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize