theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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