Screwed.edu
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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