4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
