You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
