dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
