Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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