These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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