I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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