dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
