Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
