I wish I only lived at night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
