he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
