Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
