Just fell off a train. Bad.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
