Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Houston, we have a squirter
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
