i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
