At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
