Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
