he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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