I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
