The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
