Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
