My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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