Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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