He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
