I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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