guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pants 0. Shit 1.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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