you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
