After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
