I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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