I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
