strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
